You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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