I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
