So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
