dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
