apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
