Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
