My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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