I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
