Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
should my penis look like a turkey
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
