She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am available for nakedness
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
