I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
