So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
