I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
