I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
