I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
