found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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