FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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