Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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