I'm really into asian looking animals
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
