i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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