I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
