yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
