Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
