the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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