Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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