So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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