Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
only you would photoshop your dick
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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