I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
