That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
