All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
