too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
