u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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