you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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