I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think my moral compass just broke
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
