Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
