Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
