Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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