I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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