The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
