He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He passed out mid-signature
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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