my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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