had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
