he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
