I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
