i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we made out on top of his cat.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
