I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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