I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
