Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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