i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
