I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
